You want the raw, fuck ugly truth?
Every morning, I wake up and you are the first person on my mind. After that! I do a mental check to see if I’m good enough to talk to you that day. Am I mentally stable enough? Have I heard any voices, seen any bloody images of my death? If yes, I’m okay, for a while at least. But hey, that doesn’t stop me fucking things up even if I’m having a good day.
I’m so, so tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling so heavy that I have sand in my bones and hatred and fear in my heart. I’m tired of not knowing if I’ll be okay tomorrow. I’m tired of fucking up.
Mostly, I’m tired of being a burden. Sometimes I wonder (every day when I’m stuck at square one, I wonder) why you love me. On my good days, I know why you do. I can be amazing at my best. At my worst, I don’t know how you can stand seeing something so absolutely pathetic.
So there you go.
I fear for any Muslim people in Australia right now, the news has been broadcasting details of alleged terrorist plans that have been ‘thwarted by heroic police’.
Apparently the plans were to randomly take a hostage from the streets of Sydney and excecute them publicly for the…